Recently I ended a relationship that was draining me. Some people don’t understand that being jealous and possessive drives others away and kills whatever you could have felt, or it ends up being an abusive relationship. I have been in a few of those before and it was scary to see this one going that way, plus it was a “secret” relationship, not many people knew since it was a same sex relationship and I’m not out to everyone yet.
When you express that you want to end a relationship because you don’t feel the same way anymore, and that other person continues disregarding your feelings and insisting theirs are more valid, they’re only confirming the decision you just made is the right one.
For some of us with BPD making and maintaining boundaries is hard to learn, but it’s crucial. Manipulative people don’t respect interpersonal boundaries and when you set them straight they feel it’s an offense, when you are really defending yourself against a transgression on their part. Sadly, we tend to get involved with these kinds of people because they’re familiar in a way. I can say for myself my boundaries as a child and a young person were never respected, and after much work on my part and years of unlearning unhealthy behaviors I can’t stand it when other people go beyond where they should.
If being honest and respecting myself enough to walk away from something harmful makes me a heartless bitch, I can live with that.
When your current partner tells you they’re glad your previous relationships didn’t work out (knowing you were in love with one of them) because now they can be with you… is it wrong of me to think that is a fucked up thing to say?