Thoughts. Musings. Electrical Synapses.

Borderline Personality Disorder, Self Harm and everything in between.

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Greetings. I’ve been away for a while, and I’m trying to catch up. Everything feels like that these days.

I finally started working (which I desperately needed), but every hour feels like hell and I’m drained when I leave. It seems like no matter what I do is never good enough. If I make a mistake everyone needs to make an example out of it. That kind of hostility is common there, and I understand some pathetic people need it because they feed from it, but when is it enough?

Anxiety is ruining my mental and physical health. I’m tired of walking on eggshells every day and I don’t know what to do.

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㏂㏘

My mind never rests. During the day it’s remembering, screaming and racing. When nighttime comes and I fall asleep, all the monsters come alive inside my head.

I wasn’t feeling like myself, I needed to make changes, physical ones. Today I shaved one side of my head, new piercings and tattoos are next.

Although it might seem silly, I feel like I’m falling into place again.

Some days it’s hard to pinpoint what’s bothering me because I can’t remember things chronologically.

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I hate when people ask where will I be hanging out during the weekend. It’s expected, and if you don’t there’s something wrong with you. I have no social life whatsoever, and it’s not self imposed.

Hmmm

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#3 – The Tragic Borderline Experience

Originally posted on BPD Transformation:

This post is a reflection on the experience of being borderline, and all the losses it entails. In addition, it discusses one of the core causes of borderline psychopathology – traumatic early experience usually focused around inadequate parenting.

Although I am grateful to feel well today, I still feel sadness at the thought of the childhood I did not have, and at the emotional suffering forced upon me at a young age in my chaotic family environment. I simply did not have the emotional capacity to handle severe abuse and neglect as a young child. Because of this, my teenage self unavoidably responded by developing the symptoms and defenses of Borderline Personality Disorder.

What is Missing in the Family Environment of the To-Be-Borderline Child

To begin with, I’d like to consider what is missing in the psychological development of someone who becomes borderline as a young adult. Psychodynamic theorists universally…

View original 2,078 more words

My pain is making waves that reach the rest of the globe, while you sit there idle and unflinching to the storm you caused.

FML

It turns out now I can’t sleep without hugging a goddamn pillow and I fucking hate it.

I think I know why and it upsets me even more.

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