Flatlined
by Lunna Raven
I’m in bed, the night is deadly silent, except for the crickets and the repetitive, soft sound of the fan.
I don’t feel a thing. Gradually I’ve developed apathy for almost everything, nothing moves me.
What have I become? I wonder if this is worse than the storm of feeling everything too deeply. My face is inexpressive, or so I’ve been told. I spend too much time inside my head, and nearly none inside my body.
Thoughts. Musings. Electrical Synapses. 
Sounds like the racing thoughts I used to experience and that the antipsychotic seroquel has abated.
It could be that, and Seroquel helped me quite a lot years ago. My new Dr. won’t prescribe any antipsychotics because I no longer have psychotic episodes. It seems he doesn’t realize it helps in other areas… crappy doctor U_U
My GP originally prescribed it, “off label” at a low dose for anxiety and racing thoughts. Then the new psych prescribed the higher dose for BiPolar. The original psychs did not even consider it as they never diagnosed me as BiPolar.
Geez, it’s so hard to get properly diagnosed and get the right meds prescribed. They don’t realize our lives are on the line here, and most of them think they’re gods and what they say is not to be questioned.
I was always told I had Borderlne traits, but not the disorder, until I found the right psychiatrist and she made the diagnosis.
I have nights like that. Almost like you feel dead inside. As if the world is moving, but you are not.
That’s exactly right. Days and nights have become like that for me.
I’m sorry hun. 😦 It’s not pleasant in any way, shape, or form. I know that when I have a night like that I welcome the sleep because then I can have a break from feeling or not feeling at all.
Sleep helps a lot, maybe that’s one of the reasons I tend to oversleep.
Gives the body and mind time to recharge.
Sometimes, other times I wake up and go: “Shit, I wanna keep sleeping” LOL
Or the times I wake up an wondering what day it is? lol
Right, LOL